Giving it up to give it all

Finally I can write about it. Over the past two months, our family’s lifestyle has changed into something dramatic. More like the ones that you see on primetime telenovelas minus the fantasy (but now I would wish it would have been that way and everything will happen with just a whisk of a wand or a gentle click of the fingers).

My father has a medical condition that has (temporarily) left him completely different from what he was before. Since he was admitted in the hospital, I can’t remember the number of times I cried to him, to my family, to friends, and to Jelson on how I wish I could sacrifice something to give back what he had before if that means giving up many things that I enjoy.

I know friends who are thinking that I am going beyond what is necessary. But then again, aren’t parents a necessity too? For me they are. I can’t claim to have the best relationship with my parents but the thing about being a child is that you only get to have one set of parents in your lifetime while the parents can have as many children as they want. This idea has been on my mind and from then on, I made sure that every moment spent with my parents was (and is) well worth.

I have been talking to God in a funny way lately. I guess you could say I’m like a sales person or its counterpart, the cut- throat cheapskate buyer trying to bargain with the creator. I have been trying to bargain with God to give back to my father everything that he was two months ago and I WOULD GIVE UP ANYTHING. Since I can’t physically hear God, I have been doing the trial and error of things to give up.

1. I gave up wearing jewelry. The very few pieces of jewelry that I own--- a pair of earrings that Papa gave more than 7 years ago, the watch that he and Mama gave for my high school graduation, one of Mama’s seldom used necklace that looks like an F clef, and the most recent addition, the eternity ring that Jelson gave me for our college graduation, the ring that held so many promises. And in exchange of that, I am currently wearing a wooden bracelet, with photos of different saints and spiritual individuals, which I bought at Manaoag.

2. I gave up eating Pork and Beef. I am the person who has sworn not to eat food other than PBC or the Pork, Beef, and Chicken. To say the very least, I am the epitome of a carnivorous person. Now, for over a month now, I stopped eating my red meat and said goodbye to my all time favorites--- beef steak and pork chop.

3. I gave up taking the elevator on my way and going home from the office. I work at the 5th floor of the building and the swipe ID machine is located at Basement 1. It’s nothing really extravagant but each step is offered to him.

Okay, I’m not trying to preach and be socially moral here. These things that I do are just my little ways of putting off something that I like, that I enjoy in exchange for Papa’s good health and recovery or at least for a moment, wishfully thinking now, bring it back to how it was before.

They say that in life you only get to appreciate the things that you once had the moment it slips your hands. Now, even before it does, I’m taking action--- of giving it up to give it all back to the man who put his life on the line several times just to keep us where we are now and to give us everything that we have.